(...) 2:30 smoke nicotine, at this point I really notice my movements becomming, weird, robotic like dxm, but also shaky and there is a difficulty getting myself to move, I feel frozen, similar to how you freeze when someone scares the shit out of you, but without the fear, I'm really good at ignoring paranoia, I can see just about any else having a total freakout running down the street naked by now, there is just such a weird manic tweakerness going on, this stuff was in control, not me, I could barely use my computer mouse to navigate at this point, took all the effort I had to ma
3:??am feeling increasing concerned about my muscle control, sitting in my chair unable to move, I feel like a deer caught in the headlights, realize I've been sitting staring at my computer screen doing nothing for about an hour, this is the void state of nothingness, the state between being high and coming down, extended forever, I sit like a zombie with weird thoughts running through my head, I know this is chemically induced and that I will eventually come down, but I can't help but worry that I might stay this way, stuck an insane weirdo who can do anything but stare with bug eyes in some toxic trance
4:00am decide to try and cut this crap short however possible, take phenibut eyeballed 1.2g, vape a ton of herb, which helped for about 5 minutes
5:00am I realize now that I cant move even if I want to, my arms are paralyzed stuck to my sides, my legs are shaking uncontrollably, I can stop it for a few seconds, but then it starts right again, I know there is no way this is going to end any time soon, I can't even drink water at this point, having shallow breathing, trying to wash the evil out of my nose, making it kick in more, but i know I have to get it out of there, my face and throat are numb, I can't muster the energy to blow my nose, how pathetic is that I wonder
6:00am lying down, heart still going, annoyed at everything at this point, all the horrible side-effects, when will it end, I've been here before, but only with crazy combinations and much more fun beforehand
8:00am at this point I have gotten up and paced around a little bit and I decide to sit back down in my chair, I am so confused as to why I can't control myself, like I want to do something and I can't, and things I'm not trying to do I'm doing, then I try to wipe my eyes because they are all mucousy and I can see well, well my hands got stuck next to my eyes, pushing on my face, but it was like some built-in biological mechanism would not let me wipe my eyes no matter how hard I tried, and simultaneously I could not stop trying to do it, this was torture, I was pushing on my face, near my eyes for an hour straight, i got up and walked around, but I couldn't pull my hands from my face, my hands are shaking too, finally somehow I am able to grab one
hand with the other and pull it away from my face, what the fuck is wrong with me, this is enough to drive most people insane, I am lucky I have extremely tough psychology, and lots of experience with weird states of mind
9:15 I decide to try and blow my nose, by this time I am feeling super weak, sickly like a 120 year old, when I go to blow my nose I get stuck again, blowing my nose, but barely, holding the paper towel tight to my nose, trying to breath out into it for an hour, I feel like I'm suffocating myself but I can't stop, I am being forced to torture myself
11:00 trying to sleep again, feeling shitty, super annoyed, angry, crazy
12:00 I maybe get a half hour of messed up sleep, weird dreams that were just as annoying as being awake was, my neck hurts, my body feels dead, I wonder what the hell happened and had to keep reminding myself that it will eventually go away, and I pray that it will
1:30 whatever is in control of my mind and body at this point decides I will take a shower, I get in the shower and as soon and I start, the hot water runs out, well guess what . . stuck again, frozen, but now with cold running shower on me, I can't move no matter how hard I try, its like the harder I try to move, the more I just stand there and shake, the water is warm for a little bit until it runs out completely then just cold water, i manage to turn my back to it, I'm guessing that's because it was an involuntary muscle action, but nope no voluntary ones, not yet
2:00 after half an hour stuck in the running cold shower, i manage to turn the water off, but I'm still standing there, i go to blow my nose, stuck AGAIN, blowing my nose, over and over and over, what a wierdo, eventually after 20-30 minutes I stopped that and got back into my bed, delerious, dehydrated, exhausted, just wanting to come down
3:00 throw up, drink about 2 sips of water, no way I can eat anything at all, I hate this, I feel depressed, probably the worst I've ever felt, and i can still feel the drug almost full force, when will the madness stop, this shit doesn't get me high it just makes me crazy, I now know why you see those people walking all deranged looking homeless crackheads, they must be doing something similar to this to themselves . . . charlie sheen, i know what happened to him now, his dealer cut his blow with pv
5:00am - 5pm still awake, annoyed, really this part went on all day, got stuck blowing my nose a couple more times, shaking, writhing in wierdness, wide awake still, when I looked at something I couldn't look away, whatever had my attention, had all my attention, I couldnt do anything, zombie, I hate myself for becomming a zombie (...)
