Om een idee te geven van de BDSM-wereld heb ik een aantal posts van mijn favoriete blog over dit onderwerp uitgezocht, en citaten hieruit gebruikt om een korte inleiding te schrijven: de hyperlinks voeren je naar de geciteerde blogposts. (De blog en deze inleiding zijn in het Engels.)
Onder deze inleiding staan links naar websites met uitleg over belangrijke aspecten van de BDSM-cultuur.
"Assume there's a bell curve of sexual desire. Where do you fall on that curve?" Kinkyness is varied and complex, and so is the associated culture. "Some people just like to play dominance and/or pain games with their partners; some people are part of The Kink Community."
"Everyone seems to have a different idea of what BDSM means. A lot of debates about BDSM get stuck because people assume they know the meaning of a physical action. The simplest, and most frustrating, problem is when someone interprets hitting to always mean attacking with anger and intent to harm."
"Hitting in relationships bothers me." "At some point before he hits you, you have to talk about it. You sit face to face as equals and disclose your kinks like you're working out a takeout order."
Something like: "I want to be raped. Okay, now, I don't want to be raped by a stranger, they might have diseases or something and they might smell funny and they might not be cute. So it should probably be someone I already know. Someone I'm already sleeping with, really."
Communication is one of the most important skills you need. In BDSM, consent and negotiation are even more important than in vanilla relationships.
"The way [URL='http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/01/this-is-what-negotiation-looks-like.html']these things begin is: awkwardly[/URL]. Sitting down and talking frankly about what you're doing in a relationship is awkward as fuck and I can't really sugarcoat that."
Despite the community's emphasis on safe, sane and consensual relations, you might still encounter abusive people or sexual predators, just like anywhere else: "Newcomers shouldn't be hearing BDSM is all about consent. Newcomers should be hearing BDSM should be all about consent, but there are a few people here who won't respect that, and we don't know who they are."
Here are some practical tips on how to get into the scene and what to expect, but also how to keep yourself and others safe and happy. I could quote the whole blog post but I'll just restrict myself to "Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, assume it is."
After the serious topics that were just discussed I just want to end on this quote, which illustrates how kinky people are, when all's said and done, people: "If there was one fact about BDSM, just one, that I could communicate to the culture at large, it would be this: at just about every BDSM play party I've ever been to, there has been a bowl of M&Ms. We may be freaky perverts, but we still like candy just as much as anyone else."
Links (allemaal in het Engels)
Safe, sane and consensual: de belangrijkste regels. (Alle partijen zijn meerderjarig en bij verstand, en stemmen toe met de gekozen activiteit.)
SSC vs. R.A.C.K.: "risk aware consensual kink", een alternatieve set regels.
Korte introductie en korte lijst lectuur.
De psychologie van BDSM vanuit een mentale gezondheidsperspectief
Machtsverhoudingen en psychologie in BDSM.
Een filosofisch-psychologische kijk op persoonlijke vrijheid en machtsverhoudingen in BDSM.
Wat is de rol van macht in BDSM, spiegeling aan maatschappelijke situaties (sexisme, racisme, autoriteiten, ...)
50 Shades of Grey heeft niets te maken met BDSM-cultuur.
Dit is een beknopte historie en uitleg van de cultuur.
Onder deze inleiding staan links naar websites met uitleg over belangrijke aspecten van de BDSM-cultuur.
"Assume there's a bell curve of sexual desire. Where do you fall on that curve?" Kinkyness is varied and complex, and so is the associated culture. "Some people just like to play dominance and/or pain games with their partners; some people are part of The Kink Community."
"Everyone seems to have a different idea of what BDSM means. A lot of debates about BDSM get stuck because people assume they know the meaning of a physical action. The simplest, and most frustrating, problem is when someone interprets hitting to always mean attacking with anger and intent to harm."
"Hitting in relationships bothers me." "At some point before he hits you, you have to talk about it. You sit face to face as equals and disclose your kinks like you're working out a takeout order."
Something like: "I want to be raped. Okay, now, I don't want to be raped by a stranger, they might have diseases or something and they might smell funny and they might not be cute. So it should probably be someone I already know. Someone I'm already sleeping with, really."
Communication is one of the most important skills you need. In BDSM, consent and negotiation are even more important than in vanilla relationships.
"The way [URL='http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/01/this-is-what-negotiation-looks-like.html']these things begin is: awkwardly[/URL]. Sitting down and talking frankly about what you're doing in a relationship is awkward as fuck and I can't really sugarcoat that."
Despite the community's emphasis on safe, sane and consensual relations, you might still encounter abusive people or sexual predators, just like anywhere else: "Newcomers shouldn't be hearing BDSM is all about consent. Newcomers should be hearing BDSM should be all about consent, but there are a few people here who won't respect that, and we don't know who they are."
Here are some practical tips on how to get into the scene and what to expect, but also how to keep yourself and others safe and happy. I could quote the whole blog post but I'll just restrict myself to "Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, assume it is."
After the serious topics that were just discussed I just want to end on this quote, which illustrates how kinky people are, when all's said and done, people: "If there was one fact about BDSM, just one, that I could communicate to the culture at large, it would be this: at just about every BDSM play party I've ever been to, there has been a bowl of M&Ms. We may be freaky perverts, but we still like candy just as much as anyone else."
Links (allemaal in het Engels)
Safe, sane and consensual: de belangrijkste regels. (Alle partijen zijn meerderjarig en bij verstand, en stemmen toe met de gekozen activiteit.)
SSC vs. R.A.C.K.: "risk aware consensual kink", een alternatieve set regels.
Korte introductie en korte lijst lectuur.
De psychologie van BDSM vanuit een mentale gezondheidsperspectief
Machtsverhoudingen en psychologie in BDSM.
Een filosofisch-psychologische kijk op persoonlijke vrijheid en machtsverhoudingen in BDSM.
Wat is de rol van macht in BDSM, spiegeling aan maatschappelijke situaties (sexisme, racisme, autoriteiten, ...)
50 Shades of Grey heeft niets te maken met BDSM-cultuur.
Dit is een beknopte historie en uitleg van de cultuur.
